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In John 13:34, Jesus gives His disciples a new order or command: "A new commandment I give you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another."
This statement follows Jesus' washing of the disciples' feet on the occasion of the Last Supper. In washing their feet, Jesus gave the disciples tangible evidence of what love was like-how it behaved, not how it felt. This act of servant love is followed a short time later with His new commandment. And when He said, "…even as I have loved you…." the disciples had the experience of the foot washing fresh in their minds and so could not understand Jesus' remarks in any other way except in terms of servant love.

This statement of Jesus was categorical, definitive and absolute. It was completely unambiguous, with no hidden meanings or allegorical content. The disciples had been given, presumably only moments before, a graphic demonstration of what Jesus meant. Up to this point in His ministry, Jesus had been talking about love and doing works to demonstrate it. But He had not yet delivered to his disciples a direct order. Now, however, they had no excuses, could not plead ignorance.

The word chosen by Jesus in John 13:34 was a Greek word for love, agapao. In the Greek, this verb "to love" is present, active, and imperative. It was not a suggestion or request. It was a command.

In 1 Corinthians 13:1-13, in talking about and describing love, Paul uses agape, a derivative of the verb agapao. According to my lexicon, agape essentially means a benevolent kind of love that is deemed by the one giving it to be needed by the one receiving it. It is a love that meets needs not wants. It is neither friendship nor common interest, but which can include both. By using the word agapao and then describing it, Paul is in effect saying that in this context, this is what the word means. This seems to be a case of Scripture interpreting Scripture. So while agapao or agape does not always mean exactly the same thing in all instances in the NT, Paul uses this word (and not another, such as phileo) in this instance to stand for the meaning he proceeds to give it. I have coined the phrase “servant love” (instead of using the word charity, as used in the KJV) as a way of indicating what I believe is the essence of what Paul describes in this passage (as well as Christ in John 13:34). A large part of the chapter is devoted to "unpacking" the meaning of the word agape in the context of what I’m referring to here as servant love:

If these two lists are synthesized in a more positive, constructive way we discover a list of distinctively edifying attributes. This list of words can then be expanded in order to help clarify the extent and depth of this agape or servant love. Consulting a dictionary thesaurus, I was able to compile a list of words which are immediately associated with each of the primary qualities. These "branch" words help to explain in clearly positive and uplifting terms the full meanings of the root words given by Paul.

This list is by no means complete and it is certainly subjective. It does however give a sense of the richness of the concept that both Jesus and Paul had in mind when they spoke of this agape or servant love. It is interesting to note how many attributes of God are here listed as further explaining the notion of servant love.

In our understanding we should try to appreciate the qualities that come together to make up and form this notion of servant love. This becomes our foundation. But then we must begin building. We cannot allow ourselves to be content simply with an intellectual understanding, but must become doers of the word and not hearers only. To truly live with and love others as Jesus commanded us, we must embody these qualities, making them our own in all our daily interactions with others. This then becomes for us our spiritual sacrifice, our practice for spiritual maturity.

But how are we to do this? How are we to practice servant love in a way that honours Christ?
Many think of Christian love as good deeds or acts of charity. And so it is, but it is more than this. In fact, it is less what is done and more how it is done, the spirit in which it is done in other words. Any person can do an outwardly good work, but have impatience, anger or resentment in his heart while doing it. This is not servant love. One can do something for another even if only a small thing like giving a cup of water, but if done with tenderness, humility and generosity of spirit it becomes an act of servant love and is therefore valued by God. Really, doing good deeds is not so relevant as the qualities of our relationships. If you have servant love--that is love characterised by patience, strength, compassion, humility or any other of its qualities--your actions or behaviour will automatically be good and beneficent. This is what Jesus meant when He said, "For there is no good tree that produces bad fruit." (Luke 6:43)

But does this mean I have to like the person I'm in a relationship with? Actually, no you don't, but frankly I have found in my own life that when I'm expressing servant love (which is not very often, I admit) I find myself softening toward the other. I find that in remembering to be kind or encouraging or uncritical or trustworthy, I become so. I cannot be kind and unkind, generous and jealous, patient and angry all at the same time. Either I am one or the other. Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters." (Matt 6:24)

So constantly recollecting what Jesus, Paul and others said about servant love, understanding what it meant for the disciples in their context and what it means for us in our context and then actually willing ourselves to behave accordingly, becomes our spiritual discipline. We must in this be intentional. We must not leave it to chance or to our feelings. Servant love is not just for those who we love affectionately. It is also for the stranger you meet at the bus stop, it is for the new member of the congregation who has just joined your Bible Study group, it is for that annoying neighbour across the street who has just cut down the hundred year old Scotch pine in his yard and which was the pride of the whole neighbourhood. It is for those with whom you have not yet formed a meaningful relationship, and perhaps never will. It is the way Jesus, our master, went about in the world, it is the way He taught us (Luke 10:29-37 ) and it is the way in which He has commanded us to follow.

It might be instructive, as a kind of meditation, to scan this chart with an open, non-judgemental attitude and see if any words jump out with special weight or significance. (But first ensure you know the essential meaning of each word. A good dictionary then becomes a spiritual aid.) Should certain words stand out for you, it could be an indicator of qualities that-for whatever reasons-you may be lacking. This being the case, you would then be able to focus your attention on those qualities and seek out opportunities for growth, even being intentional in taking up spiritual disciplines for that purpose. But because of the inherent self-delusional quality of our sinful nature, it might be more fruitful to have another person who knows you well scan this chart and point out words that he or she believes represent areas of lack rather than abundance. If nothing else, this practice should engender some very stimulating after- dinner conversations.

Having said the foregoing, I want to express my firm conviction that no change will be possible without the empowering and blessing of the Holy Spirit and nor, as Christians, should we expect anything other than this. It is God's good pleasure to give us the Kingdom and it is He, through the agency of the Holy Spirit, who is ultimately responsible for our spiritual growth. By ourselves we can do nothing. We must never think that we can overcome our own sinful shortcomings through our own efforts, for to do so would be to reject the very gracious gift of salvation offered to us by God and to fall into the heresy of righteousness by works. So then let us pray earnestly for the gift of the Spirit, so that we may have not only the power to grow, but also the desire.